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We at Tenreasonstobuyaminivan.com want to wish 4 time defensive player of the year and friend of the site Dikembe Mutombo a very very happy and belated birthday. Dikembe Mutombo was born on June 25th, 1966 and the world hasn't been the same since. It is a well known fact that Dikembe Mutombo is not just a sports hero but a humanitarian hero as well. His use of his fame and his impressive frame should be a guiding light for the rest of the famous athletes as well as all of the people who care about famous athletes which is just about everyone on this beautiful green planet. Dikembe Mutombo's elegant words on behalf of minivans are so well documented that they need not be repeated here. Let us just take this moment to ponder them in our hearts and in our minds. Next time you are at a T.G.I.FRIDAYS with all of your buddies knocking back a few, having some apps and checkin' out all the hotties rollin' up into that joint take a moment to put down that Zen Chicken Pot Sticker and say, "hey guys let's stop staring at girl's chests and instead let's have a brief chat about what Dikembe Mutombo had to say about Minivans and Minivan related issues." That'll definitely make for a rocking hard evening trust me.
Dikembe Mutombo you might have been Second Team All-NBA in 2001 but you'll always be First Team All-TenReasonsToBuyaMinivan.com to us!
Happy birthday.
I love art. I can't get enough of it. The more confusing the better. I want to have no fucking clue as to what I'm looking at. For example, this painting makes me want to run down the street screaming about the price of stamps and how cute puppies are:
I want to be baffled beyond this side of the moon. I want to look at a can of Pringles that has been stuffed with ball point pens and then bronzed and just stare in dazed wonderment. I DO NOT LIKE REALISM. I DO NOT LIKE IT ONE BIT. REALISM MAKES ME WANT TO CRAWL OUT OF MY OWN SKIN AND GO FOR A LONG WALK ALL ALONE WITH JUST MY THOUGHTS. I can't be any more clear than that. I want no part of it. For example if I have to see this "painting" one more time I will run down the street screaming about how smug people from Houston are and how all the pencils need to be sharper:
I get it! I get it! It looks exactly like some women doin' some stuff! Holy macaroni! I can't believe it. BOO! REALISM makes me so mad. Oh! Oh! So you painted an apple and a pear and another apple. OH! What? What do you think you deserve for that? Some sort of grant or fellowship? Do you think THAT picture of an apple and a pear and an apple should be on the wall of a prestigious art gallery next to paintings of what I think is a crow but could be a wagon wheel? Huh? HUH?
I have very strong feelings about this subject. Almost as strong as my feelings about the 1993 World Series. Almost as strong as my feelings about Paul McCartney and John Fogerty. Almost as strong as my feelings about the price of stamps. But despite all of my feelings I was truly blown away by a piece of art I saw today on the inter-web of the universe. This piece of art was created by Sean. This is Sean's website. Sean is a LEGO certified professional. He builds things out of LEGOs for a living. And though all of his creations look exactly like what they are supposed to be which fills me with rage upon rage this piece of LEGO work is nothing more than breathtaking:
According to Sean:
I built a two-tone minivan that was kind of inspired by the Dodge Caravan and Ford Windstar. Making the bubble-like shape proved very challenging, and I'm not quite sure I'm 100% happy with the final results, but here it is. I redid the back about 20 times and I'm still not crazy about it. Maybe I will redo this at some point.
First of all: Sean I don't think you could have chosen better minivans to be inspired by. The Dodge Grand Caravan (a favorite of this sight) is well known to be the thinking man's minivan and the Ford Windstar is probably the most sensual of all the minivans. Second of all: Sean step away from that LEGO minivan. Don't touch it. Don't change it. It is heavenly. It is inspired. The first time I saw it it just about made me run down the street complimenting every one's hand bags and contemplating out loud about the state of minor league baseball. It doesn't just scream, "I AM A BEAUTIFUL FUCKING MINIVAN ALL YA'LL!" It also screams, "I'M MORE THAN JUST A BEAUTIFUL FUCKING MINIVAN. I AM MOTHER FUCKING LAYERED, DEEP AND COMPLICATED. THERE IS A LEVEL OF REALITY DEEP WITHIN ME THAT IS UNHEARD OF IN TODAY'S PLASTIC AND GLUE AND CHEETOS SOCIETY. ALSO I'M SQUARED OFF WHERE I ONCE WAS ROUND SO FUCKING DEAL WITH IT YA'LL." Ouch. It must hurt to be all those assholes who paint apples or pears or apples WITH pears or women in a field. Cause ya'll just got schooled by my boy Sean. Cause ya'll just make things look exactly like things that they are supposed to look like. Sean makes things look so much more. He makes them look square. But not only that he makes them look beautiful. More beautiful than they actually are? Well most Dodge Grand Caravan and Ford Windstar owners would probably object but I would have to say yes. This minivan is more beautiful than an ordinary Dodge Grand Caravan or a Ford Windstar because when you look at it's like looking into the face of a kind hearted, bearded stranger who blinks twice, wipes his brow, smiles and says, "Believe." And you do.
Art is the most important thing in this world because with out it what would you stare at mindlessly in the doctor's office? I respect people who create it. And Sean has damn well created it. And I thank him for that. But not only has he created one "deaf" (as the kids used to say) piece of art he has also created something else just as "deaf": one of the Ten Reasons to Buy a Minivan.
One of the Ten Reasons To Buy A Minivan: LEGO minivan.
