Another Day Older and Deeper Into Minivans

Do you remember where you were on October 21st 2007?

Were you at the laundromat cleaning your soiled garments?

Were you at a high school volley ball game cheering for digs and kills?

Were you hiding in your neighbors bushes or perhaps behind a short tree? (I sincerely hope not as that would be creepy. UNLESS you had made some vegetable lasagna for them the day before. And instead of leaving it in an unmarked paper bag which would be the socially acceptable way of leaving your neighbors a vegetable lasagna you wanted to present it to them in a more grand dramatic gesture. A gesture such as leaping from behind a short tree or out of bushes screaming "LASAGNA!!! ENJOY!!" and then running away giggling would not be creepy as long as you were a) NOT wearing boots or high topped sneakers and b) accompanied by a relative or close friend who had a delicious side dish OR dessert.)

I remember where I was on October 21st 2007. I was kickin' it in the same spot that I am kickin' it right now. I was BANGING on the very same keyboard with the very same hands. I was SMILING with the very same lips the very same smile which was inspired by the visions of the TEN REASONS that were dancing in my noggin. THE VERY SAME VISIONS THAT ARE NOW DANCIN' in THE VERY SAME NOGGIN'! Only now the visions are no longer dancing the Soulja Boy dance. The visions are now currently dancing a square with by my body image issues, my fear of large bodies of water and my childhood memories of Alicia Franks. (In case you are wondering my confusion about religion is calling the square and my understanding of basic physics is bowin' a mean fiddle. It's quite a hootenanny if I may say so myself.)

YES. That's RIGHT October 21st 2007 is the birthday of TENREASONSTOBUYAMINIVAN.COM! TENREASONSTOBUYAMINIVAN.COM is ONE year old and we are celebrating! There's no need to send presents because this party ain't about us here it's about you there! You should give your self a present! You deserve a nice present for being such loyal readers and supporters. (Don't forget you are a size medium! A large just makes your hips look big.) But in case you aren't happy with the crappy gift you've given yourself not to fear! If you send me your address (at TENREASONSTOBUYAMINIVAN@GMAIL.COM) I will send you the best, the most elegant and the most thoughtful present you could ever receive: a TENREASONSTOBUYAMINIVAN.COM sticker. It goes with all bags! It matches all ties! It requires no batteries! And it comes from deep within my heart where I keep my love. If I could hug you all I would but I can't because I'm not the mayor or anything but I do have certain responsibilities and social commitments that that I need to keep.

I don't want to bring the mood of the party too down but there is one particular thing that I have to say. And this particular tidbit of my thoughts is directed at one particular group of people. The "Hatters". That's right you heard me correctly I'm talking to all of you "hatters" out there. All of you assholes who make or sell hats who didn't think TENREASONSTOBUYAMINIVAN.COM would last a year. Well check the calender and do your math "hatters" cause according to MY calculations we have lasted a year . . .longer in fact. (But really you should do your own calculations because I've never been very good at math. Just ask Mr. Vanwickle or Jon Manon.) "Hatters" check me out I'm still BANGING out the truth of the minivan on my keyboard of justice. We're still raising up the TEN REASONS for all to see as if they were a grand and beautiful flag or at the very least a very nice piece of laundry on an unusually high laundry line. We're still receiving emails and questions and suggestions at TENREASONSTOBUYAMINIVAN@GMAIL.COM by the wheelbarrow full. This train is on the tracks "hatters" and it's going so fast that the conductor can't stop it. Oh no. The conductor is actually a bit frightened for his life because the train it is out of control. The train you see is telling the conductor where it wants to go. The roles have been reversed and neither the train nor the conductor knows what to expect. The unexpected is the only thing they can expect and that, for both of them, is quite surprising and unexpected itself. And you see "Hatters" you are the conductor and TENREASONSOTBUYAMINIVAN.COM is the train. So buckle your seat belt "Hatters" cause it's not going to be a very smooth ride from here on out. Also finish any hot beverages for fear of scalding your delicate skin.

THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR YOUR SUPPORT AND HERE'S TO MANY MORE YEARS TO COME!