A lesson on radioactive waste

Are you like the thousands upon thousands of other Americans who have radioactive waste that they need to transport? Is YOUR radioactive waste taking up VALUABLE room in your basement, garage, rec room or junk drawer? Do you often wonder to yourself, out loud in a voice full of pride, bewilderment and naivete just how the hell THEY expect you to transport all of this radioactive waste to a storage bin, garbage dump or right field of your neighborhood minor league baseball stadium? Well not to fear not to fear not to fear not to fear (echo echo echo echo).

Just grab that radioactive waste by its radioactive ear and drag its radioactive ass to the back of YOUR MINIVAN.

Yes. Yes you heard me correctly. YOUR MINIVAN.

It is perfectly legal to transport radioactive waste in YOUR MINIVAN!

How do I know this? I didn't learn it on the internet that's for damn sure! (Which should be a lesson to all you kids out there! I'm talking to all you kids who choose to sleep or masturbate through class whilst thinking that all that learning could be done from the comfort of home whilst surfing the interweb.) I didn't learn this on the wikipedia that's as clear as eyeglasses on a weasel. In fact if you search on the wikipedia for radioactive waste and minivans you recieve this cold hearted response:

There is no page titled "radioactive waste and minivans"

Huh. INTERESTING. Makes you wonder about what other pages are missing from the wikipedia doesn't it?

I learned that it is perfectly legal AND socially acceptable to transport YOUR radioactive waste in YOUR MINIVAN in the real actual flesh and blood, tears and sorrow, Big Red and Big League Chew REAL WORLD.

I was driving to beautiful Springfield, MA to paint Easter eggs and on America's highway (ROUTE 91) I saw IT. I saw IT as clear as eyeglasses on a weasel. Right there in front of me was IT. And IT was a shiny new white minivan (Toyota Sienna) with radioactive waste signs posted proudly, legally and patriotically on it's rear and side. Don't believe me? Don't believe me that it's perfectly legal and politically correct to transport radioactive waste in YOUR MINIVAN? Don't believe that I saw a Toyota Sienna driving 75 miles an hour northbound on I-91 (America's highway) while I was driving to Springfield (home of the Basketball Hall of Fame, America's Hall of Fame)to dye Easter eggs? Well I have proof.

See! You would have to be as crazy as eyeglasses on a weasel to deny that THAT is a picture of an egg with my name (Jason) dyed on it. Want a closer look? Well, okay.

I know what some of you are thinking. You've never seen an egg so elegantly dyed with someones name on it before. Well thank you. What can I say? I have eye for that sort of thing. I know what the rest of you are thinking. Wouldn't a picture of the actual minivan with the radioactive waste housed safely inside be better proof that I wasn't making this whole escapade up? Well I have one thing to say to you people. No. I said I was driving to dye Easter eggs and I have a picture of an Easter egg with my name on it. It's obviously mine because who else would have put MY name on an Easter egg? Some sort of criminal? Well if that's the case how did I get the egg FROM the criminal? Did he or she let me borrow it? And if they let me borrow it why in the world would I be borrowing Easter eggs from people? Wouldn't it just be easier to dye MY OWN Easter eggs? Did I buy the egg off the black market because it had my name on it? Well I'm bit offended that you would think I would my spend my precious free time with crazy egg dying criminals and questionable black market egg dealers thank you very much.

No. No. I think we all know what the truth is. I think we all understand the truth. What's the truth? It is:

One of the Ten Reasons To Buy A Minivan: It's okay to transport radioactive waste in one.