BIG MOVE!

I don't know what to say. Today is a bittersweet day. I am both a little happy and a little sad. "What's going on?" you ask. Well today is the day of the big move. Yup, that's right. The big move. Today is the day that I pack up all the of the ten reasons and move them to their new home. These past couple of months at TenReasonsToBuyaMinivan.blogspot.com have been a blast and I'll remember them fondly. Like I fondly remember that pocket watch I used to have. It was a boss watch and it had a chain on it that I attached to my belt. The chain hung down but not too ridiculously low. Not as low as those wallet chains that some truckers have. (Who's stealing these guy's wallets anyways? They're in a fucking truck for like 12-14 hours a day. And when they're not in a truck they are snorting crystal meth in a dirty road stop bathroom. And when they aren't snorting crystal meth they are getting their wieners sucked by dirty dirty whores. So what? Is it the whores? Is it the dirty dirty whores that are stealing these guys' wallets?) My chain didn't hang below the ass or the knees or anything. It wasn't a trip hazard. It was just a little gold chain that hung out of my pocket and attached to my belt (It attached via a clip. It was like a truckers favorite thing: a good freeway. You know, easy on easy off. It was also like a truckers second favorite thing: a dirty whore. You know easy on easy off. Just watch out that she doesn't steal your wallet while she is sucking your wiener. Better get a 7' long chain for that it shit. That'll keep it safe. That'll do the trick.). That chain was probably the best part of that pocket watch (after it's ability to tell time of course). But after a while I outgrew that pocket watch and its kick-ass chain. After a while it was time for me to find a different way to tell time. After a while it was time to move on. Which I did by purchasing a cell phone and using that to tell time. So instead of having a pocket watch in my pocket taking up valuable real estate I found a better way of telling time. That pocket watch was really taking up valuable space in my pocket that could be used for more valuable day to day objects like my pencil sharpener that it is in the shape of a nose or tiny bottles of pure Vermont maple syrup or skinny beeswax candles. So just like that cool fall day in 1999 when I unclipped my pocket watch for the last time today I am moving on. I am moving on to bigger and better pastures but always remembering all of the pocket watches of my past.

Today TenReasonstoBuyaMinivan.blogspot.com is no more.

Please welcome into your hearts . . .Into your souls . . .Into your homes . . . Into your house boats. . . Into your web browsers . . . Into your pockets . . .

Tenreasonstobuyaminivan.com

It may look EXACTLY the same but it is SO much DIFFERENT.

It's DIFFERENT because there's no blogspot between tenreasonstobuyaminivan and com.

I've removed my blogspot.

I'm like one of those poor people on Doctor90210 who go to to their local cosmetic surgeon looking for a change. I'm like them. I'm like those poor people. Like those poor big nosed and small boobed and wrinkled and ugly people I went to Doctor Rey and I wore a silly paper apron and he came in and he asked me, "What part of you don't you like?" And I was like, "My blogspot." And he was like, "What blogspot?" But we both know he was just being polite. I started to cry and I ripped off my silly paper apron and standing there as naked as a trucker getting his wiener sucked by a whore I pointed at IT. Through tears and with my trembling finger stabbing at it I yelled, "HERE. HERE. THIS. THIS BLOGSPOT. THIS BLOGSPOT DOCTOR." Needless to say it was very heart wrenching. It wrenched Doctor Rey's heart. It wrenched it like only a 12" Craftsman Crescent Wrench with an orange handle can wrench. It wrenched the nurses heart. It wrenched her heart like only an 9" Straight Jaw Applied Concepts RoboGrip Pliers can wrench. That doctor's office was like a mother fucking wrench convention. But not the type where everyone wears weak-ass name tags and attends boring-ass seminars and makes lame-ass small talk with Gerald from Cincinnati. It was like a convention where everyone cries and bears their emotions for the whole world to see. Doctor Rey asked the nurse to leave the examination room for a moment while I composed myself. He left his seat and sat next to me on the examination table. Not even the crinkle of the paper as he sat or the sound of his strong hands rubbing my back could drown out my sobs. It was a good five minutes of back rubbing before I broke the silence. "It's just that (sob) (sob) (sob) this (sob) my (sob) this (sob) blogspot. It's (sob) It's (sob) I have no CONFIDENCE Doctor Rey. I have (sob) no confidence. When I first started (sniffle)(sob)(sniffle) I didn't think anyone would notice. I (sniffle)(sniffle)(sob)(sniffle) thought people would see my site for WHAT it was not for WHERE it was. But this damn (sniffle)(sob)(sigh)(sob)(sigh) blogspot. I feel like it's all anyone sees and though I know it's not true and I know that thousands and thousands of people who want to know all about the ten reasons read my blog this damn blogspot makes me FEEL (sob)(sigh)(sigh)(sniffle)(sniffle)(sniffle)(sniffle)(sob)(sigh)(sob)(sigh) that only like two or three people read it even though that's not true and thousands actually read it. It's my confidence Doctor Rey. It's my lack of confidence because of this damn blogspot that makes me FEEL that no one or very few people or no people are reading about the ten reasons." Doctor Rey took a moment, he looked out the window at a kite that was idly flying to and fro and said, "That's . . . that's odd because we are on the first floor which shouldn't be high enough to fly a kite for any decent period of time." And then I sobbed for dramatic effect and he remembered where he was and he told me that I was a perfect case for blogspot-plasty.

So here we are. Blogspot free. Confident.
So here I am. Blogspot free. Confident.

Change your bookmark. Call your Aunt. Adjust your Rolodex. Reprogram your alarm clock. Clean your carpets. But a pocket watch. Re-watch the entire award winning PBS documentary, The Civil War. Get your wiener sucked. Walk into a liquor store and buy a 4 pack of Beamish by asking for some Be Amish beer. Come to this site more than once every two or three months or whatever. Forget your anniversary and pretend that you didn't. Take to the streets chanting TEN REASONS TO BUY A MINIVAN DOT COM. TEN REASONS TO BUY A MINIVAN DOT COM. TEN REASONS TO BUY A MINIVAN DOT COM. Go over to the University Theatre for 3 floor mounts, 1 1200 watt HMI fresnel with ballast and dowser, 3 26 degree source fours, 10 25' stage pin cables, 3 A size template holders for the 26 degree source fours and two sheets of L201 and forget the dowser Say good bye. Sob. Sigh. Sniffle. Say goodbye.

Everything looks unchanged but nothing will ever be the same.


TEN REASONS TO BUY A MINIVAN DOT COM
TEN REASONS TO BUY A MINIVAN DOT COM
TEN REASONS TO BUY A MINIVAN DOT COM